I wonder if that daily dose I have is still happiness?
We had fights rather frequently these days. Is that bad?
We always say things that hurt each other, done stupid things to hurt each other, then I would cry my eyes out, and we will be okay again after a while. It’s like a cycle that is bringing us back to where we started.
Is it really me? Am I the one causing this cycle?
You are a really great boyfriend who places me before anything and anyone, even yourself. But, you are expecting me to be placing you before anything and anyone? I’m sure you are one of the important people in my life.
Honestly, I think I’m some social animal that need company of friends. I don’t want to become someone who only sticks around her boyfriend, living in a world that only has her boyfriend, and everyone else are just invisible. I’m sorry if all these hurts. I know you could do just fine without your friends, maybe all, if not majority of them. I know you always put me before any of your friends, everything you do, you do it for nobody but me. I’m really touched by that, and I know how much I don’t deserve you.
You are right. Nothing’s changed. I didn’t change even after our huge quarrel days ago. I feel that I’m trying real hard to change for the better. But, my needs are still the same. I really need time to make those changes.
Sometimes I really hate myself. For what?
For making you feel bad. For not treating you right. For not being someone who you expected me to be. For not doing what you hope I would do. For bringing you disappointment after disappointment. For loving you. Because I love you, I feel damn sucky whenever you are disappointed with me, yet I’m always not changing and achieving your expectations.
Love is all about giving and receiving?
Love is about making sacrifices, and expecting the other party to do the same?
Love is about being equal?
Love is about doing things for the other person and not asking for anything in return?
I don’t know what’s love anymore.
Tell me please, are you happy with me? Or you realized I’m not longer the girl you are in love with years back when we just got together?
You made me realized that I suck. My self-esteem and confidence is no longer as high as before. I hate myself now. I SUCK.
